the grammys 2006: how much can they piss me off
~~exciting live coverage!~~
11:31. And thank you for playing. God knows I’m not ever doing this again.
11:30 FUCK YOU FOR CUTTING TO COMMERCIAL WHILE THIS IS ON.
11:30: Irma Thomas with Sam now. Bruce and Elvis are having a great time.
11:30: The Edge, Bruce and Elvis… and the Esquire is onstage.
11:29: Nice dedication to Wilson Pickett from Bruce.
11:28: I once flew 3,000 miles, ticketless, on a wing and a prayer to see Bruce Springsteen and Sam Moore on the same stage, and it still remains one of the best concerts I have ever seen in my life. Bruce and Sam Moore on “In The Midnight Hour” is unbelievable.
11:27: BRUCE AND SAM MOORE.
11:27: Where is the second song.
11:27: the Edge and Elvis Costello (who has always been a severely underrated guitar player).
11:24: this is pretty cool. I am kind of astonished by the actual quantity of real music and performance on this year’s show.
11:22: WHERE THE FUCK IS THE NEW ORLEANS TRIBUTE.
11:21: Adam says something unintelligble. Oh good, they turned the mic up. He thanks their producers. That was nice.
11:20: “Kanye, you’re next.”
11:20: Bono is visibly shocked, but he stopped and went over to Kanye, who got robbed.
11:19: Album of the Year. The call here is for Kanye.
11:17: Bonnie Raitt and James Taylor. This has got to be leading up to the New Orleans tribute.
11:10: Richard Pryor tribute. isn’t this supposed to end in 20 minutes? Oops. The tribute film did not roll.
11:08: The dead people segment.
11:06: Best new artist, or the ‘who cares’ award. John Legend.
11:05: this is interminably horrific.
10:58: Four minutes later and it still sucks.
10:54: This is the Herbie Hancock and — Christina Aguilera. GAG.
10:53: Jessye Norman wins an award.
10:47: this is a longer post, but i have found myself in the improbable position of defending Green Day more times over the last few years than I ever expected. I am glad they won this.
10:46: Record of the Year. Green Day needs to win this.
10:46: Sheryl Crowe and Sting. Just great. Cream is getting an award.
10:45: I am still in shock. that was incredible.
10:40: this is f’in righteous.
10:35: Consensus in the Springsteen community is that Bruce said “Bring them HOME.”
Right fucking on.
10:33: Clearly I need to get out of the prediction business.
10:32: So much for that prediction. I do predict someone in U2 mentions winning over Bruce, however.
10:31: As much as I don’t want Bruce to win a Grammy for this, it’s obvious he’s going to get it.
10:30: Okay, “Bring ’em on” implies that other musicians were about to join Mr. Bruce Springsteen. Instead, Destiny’s Child is standing onstage.
10:30: “Bring ’em on.” Bono is giving Bruce a standing O.
10:28: Word on the street is that Bruce is doing two, possibly three songs.
10:27: I challenge anyone to show me how this is a rock song.
10:25: Here we go. “Devils & Dust”. I am waiting for a dozen text messages from various friends with various comments and snarky remarks about how I never wanted to hear this song again for quite a while.
His hair looks terrible.
10:24: Tom Hanks means Bruce is next. But first, the Weavers are getting an award. This ties into the Pete Seeger record Bruce is putting out next month.
10:19: Bruce is probably next.
10:18: Now I understand the t-shirt. Macca onstage. This is really stupid.
10:15: Jay-Z is wearing the Bob Gruen John Lennon new York City photo tshirt.
10:14: Jay-Z and Linkin Park. “I was hoping LL Cool J would introduce Bruce.”
10:13: LL Cool J is giving an award to Robert Johnson. I am having a hard time comprehending the point here.
10:07: Sly has left the stage. Again, trainwreck.
10:06: Whose idea was this? This is a trainwreck, in the saddest way possible.
10:05: Oh my god. He has a platinum mohawk. “If I came back after 19 years, I’d want a platinum mohawk too.” He looks like Jean Beauvoir.
10:04: The concept of the medley should be blown off the face of the earth.
10:04: Thank god, Steven tyler, Joe Perry and Robert Randolph. Some actual MUSICIANSHIP. It’s an interpretation but it’s not one that sucks ass.
10:03: No, you do not get to rap the song instead of singing it.
10:02: Okay, will.i.am could be okay, but the backing band is HORRIBLE. Where is Paul Schaeffer when you need him?
10:01: And Ciara couldn’t remember one verse of the song without a teleprompter. My niece can sing the song without a teleprompter. Of course, that is because I am her aunt, but still.
10:01: AUGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHG MAROON 5 ARE RUINING EVERY DAY PEOPLE
10:00: I am hard pressed to believe that this is all they could fucking get to perform in a Sly Stone tribute. Who is this punk ripoff with the Supercuts do? Also, oversinging much?
9:59: A bunch of people oversinging. Great.
9:58: Here comes Sly. I am so genuinely excited for this. Please do not fuck it up. Please please please.
9:55: Dave Chappelle introducing. Or babbling. Or something unfunny.
9:51: Sly Stone is apparently in the house because they are now claiming he will be performing.
9:50: And Linkin Park are surprising me by not being neanderthals, but thanking MTV.
9:48: Best Rap Song Collaboration. Jay-Z and Linkin Park.
9:47: “The new rnb teen sensation!” and Carlos Santana. Alright. Mo Ostin is getting recognized by the Academy.
9:41: Jenna Elfman is introducing Faith Hill and Keith Urban. This is the moment the boyfriend has been waiting for, he is running out for drinks.
9:40: ARE WE GETTING TO THE GOOD PART YET?
9:34: Kelly Clarkson. That’s the right one. this is actually somewhat charming.
9:33: Best Pop Vocal album. Sheryl Crow looks HORRIBLE.
9:32: I want to buy a drink for anyone who didn’t give her a standing ovation.
9:31: There is a gospel choir now. The sound is off but her face is getting all red and stuff. I guess I should listen.
9:28: This isn’t even worth throwing stuff at the tv over. I long for those days.
9:26: Mariah”psychobabble” Carey.
9:19: Only one person has thanked God. I am so disappointed.
9:18: Best male rnb vocal performance. “Who are these people?” We are savages. John Legend wins.
9:17: Black Eyed Peas are giving an award to Chris Blackwell from Island.
9:16: Still with the piped in crowd noise. even that can’t help this performance. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah could have done a better version.
9:13: An incredibly anemic “Helter Skelter.” “If you don’t bring Bono up onstage, you’re in trouble.” Dream on. No one is going to share that stage with Macca.
9:12: There’s the Beatle bass. “I’m glad I passed the audition.” Hey, asshole, that was JOHN’s line.
9:11: This amplified crowd noise is getting to me. It’s starting to sound like KISS Alive.
9:08: Ellen DeGeneres is on. “Our next performer needs no introduction.” She walks away and Paul McCartney starts to play.
9:04: Thank you, Edge, for pulling that out of the toilet.
9:03: Is this making any sense to anyone?
9:02: “Couldn’t Adam just give the acceptance speech.” I would vote for Larry myself.
9:02: U2 wins. The boyfriend is 4:4 and regrets not having placed any money on these. “You can in Vegas.”
9:01: How is “prairie wind” a rock album? It’s called “neil almost died so we feel guilty so let’s nominate him.”
9:01: Best Rock Album nominees. Bite me, Coldplay. And I will throw up if the Stones win.
9:00: Gwen Stefani and Billie Joe Armstrong. The boyfriend is betraying a preference for Gwen Stefani I have never been aware of until now. He seems dismayed she is pregnant. We learn that Les Paul is in the hospital, which neither of us know.
8:56: Kelly Clarkson. time for a break.
8:55: some slob from the Steelers is presenting. “Why is this asshole onstage at the Grammys?”
8:49: Kanye West, Late Registration. What *is* he wearing? He just pulled out a big piece of paper that says, “THANK YOU LIST” on the back of it. The boyfriend points out he is 3 for 3. He should be glad he is not here. U2 got thanked for bringing him on tour.
8:48: Best rap album time. Matt Dillon and Ludacris. Maybe Bruce and Ludacris could get it together. He’s talked about listening to him in the car.
8:47: CLIFF PONCIER is giving David Bowie a Lifetime Achievement Award? And of course, Bowie doesn’t show.
8:46: The boyfriend offers that “One” is U2’s best song. I offer that we need to shelve this for another time.
8:45: This is one of the best fucking things I have ever seen on the Grammys. He let her sing that last bridge and that was BREATHTAKING. It was too good for the Grammys.
8:44: Here is Mary J. That green Gretsch is totally fucking wasted on Bono. LEAD SINGERS SHOULD NOT PLAY GUITAR.
8:42: Bono tags “She Loves You” at the end of Vertigo. Into the second song. “One,” so Mary J. will be out here soon. I didn’t get to hear this the last time they did it. I do a mean karaoke version of this song. (HI SHARON!)
8:41: “Bono needs to cut his hair shorter.”
8:39: “We’re the loudest folk band in the world.” Uno, dos, tres, quatorze. WHEE.
8:33: I am now told that Bruce is a Kenny Chesney fan. I am even more concerned.
The boyfriend points out that he is 2 for 2 in predicting the broadcast awards.
U2 and Mary J. Blige are next. As the credits flash past, I observe that I would give just about anything to see Bruce Springsteen and Kanye West perform together.
8:32: Merle Haggard is getting a lifetime achievement award. Now we are at the Best Country Album. The boyfriend seems to be very interested in this category and I am slightly concerned.
8:31: How is “Devils & Dust” a rock song? there is nothing rock and roll about it.
8:30: Spinal Tap moment: there is interference in the vocal signal of whatever crappy New Country band is onstage now. This is funny.
8:27: Bruce is 1 for 4 in pre-show awards. He won Best Solo Rock Vocal Performance beating Neal, Rob Thomas, Robert Plant and Eric Clapton. The categories he lost in: Best Rock Song (to U2), Best Contemporary Folk Album (to John Prine), best Long Form Music Video (to No Direction Home).
8:24: John Legend is babbling about something. I am not going to pretend I care. I realize this makes me some kind of savage.
8:18: Strike that. Chris Martin is now running through the audience in a move so borrowed Bono will be calling the trademark office tomorrow. I have never seen them before and the blatant U2 derivation is making me hurl.
8:17: Chris Martin is ‘spontaneously’ climbing into the audience. I think I have reached the limits of any Coldplay snarkiness.
8:16: Chris Martin’s shirt is too short and he’s trying to pull it down. Um, Gwyneth, wardrobe check.
8:14: Oh, look, it’s Coldplay.
“People who are overrated for $200.00, Alex.”
I guess this is supposed to be spontaneous or something but this is so not working. Oh, look, they’re going to perform. Time for a cold drink.
8:13: Kelly Clarkson won something. Her dress is unspectacular. For some reason she is carrying her evening bag up to the podium. This is “Female Pop Vocal Performance.” *yawn* She is crying.
8:11: Acapella “Higher Ground.” The boyfriend: “That was completely unnecessary.”
8:09: Alicia Keys and Stevie Wonder. Stevie: “You look beautiful.” He’s cracking up at his own blind jokes.
8:05: “Madonna looks really good for a 50 year old woman.”
“Right. If I had her money, her personal trainer, and her free time, I would look like that too.”
“Right, and she did take care of herself. She didn’t do lots of drugs, or–”
“Oh, come on. She must have done lots of cocaine in the 80’s.”
8:02: “Where is Madonna?” Oh, here she is.
8:00: Here we go. “Which moment from tonight’s Grammy awards will everyone be talking about tomorrow?” Um, not Madonna and Gorillaz. This is fucking boring, but I’m sure there are several thousand BOF’s sitting in their chairs going, “Oh my god! Cartoon characters! We need to do something like this!”
7:54: The online tv guide listing for the Grammys says: “Exellence in the recording industry.” HA!
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